Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Family Dynamic

dy·nam·ic Pronunciation: \dī-ˈna-mik\ Function: adjective. Etymology: French dynamique, from Greek dynamikos powerful, from dynamis power, from dynasthai to be able. Date: 1799
1 also dy·nam·i·cal \-mi-kəl\
a: of or relating to physical force or energy
b: of or relating to dynamics
2 a: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change
b: energetic, forceful
3 of random-access memory : requiring periodic refreshment of charge in order to retain data— dy·nam·i·cal·ly \-mi-k(ə-)lē\ adverb. Courtesy of:

Then I typed "family dynamic relationships" and found this lovely link:
I admittedly did not link to each of the suggested how-tos, but found just the titles of each very entertaining.

This leads me to: What in the world is wrong with people? Myself completely included. I should have paid more attention in my college psych class. Instead now I make up for it by people watching and being completely blindsided by my own family's dynamic. There's different waves of this family. Dad are I are the remaining middle. Hubby and the bebes are the next emerging middle, in-laws, cousins, and such are each out a little farther on these ripples.

Why do people lash out at the ones they love when they are hurt, or stressed or confused? Shouldn't family (including God) be the first ones we run to for shelter and comfort? I know many are of the thought that if there's anger, even if it's not caused or perceived to be from the family or loved ones, we are more likely to be harsh and hurtful with these very people because they are our "safe" place to be angry. We know they'll still love us anyway. I get it, to an extent, but I don't like it. It's seems backwards.

Where is the fine line between being challenged to think about something differently, and feeling like your space has been invaded? It's not even a good vs. evil kind of thing because that would be too easy. There can be many options, many of which are ALL fine. It's when there isn't clearly a right or wrong answer that I get thrown off. I want it to be THIS way. You want it to be THAT way. Both are plausible and ethical and supported. But this decision effects ME directly and therefore in the end I want it to be THIS way.

How do we carefully and lovingly accept care, concern, and worry, and then say we're still not going to do it your way? I'm still going to do this THIS way. Thank you for your input and time, please don't hate me because you still haven't changed my mind, and I DO appreciate that you care, so let's not waste any more time on this. Want to go out for pizza? There's got to be a more tactful way of addressing these things.

This family dynamic thing is a constant balancing act. Give and take, listen and talk, work and play, pray and sleep, and........... Love. Love. Love. I can learn so much from the pitfalls (ok, and joys) of family dynamics, but sometimes it just seems to eat me alive. Gimme a good book and a cup of chai so I can just disappear, tune out for a little bit, and clear my head.

1 comment:

Rosalyn said...

We can choose our friends. We can't choose our family. Funny how often our friends become an extention of our family or like family. Whatever is going on-I love you and God bless you. One thing seems to be true, family is always there. There is (or CAN) some comfort (or discomfort) to that. Love from your family, cousin Rozzie :)