Sunday, December 14, 2008

But I'm Back Again

That's the closing line of my favorite little kids book Noisy Nora: "But I'm back again!" said Nora with a monumental crash!
Daddy fixed my phone line (bless him) and in the process internet was lost. It's amazing what things I can get done around the house when I'm not attached at the eyeballs to the computer. Hmmm...

Just so you know: diamonds aren't a girls best friend. I know 'cause the diamond in my engagement ring (which I still wear) took a leap into never never land. I was sad. So sad. Not because of what I lost, but the feeling I thought I'd lost with it. Not true though. I'd come to terms with it. The rings had served its purpose. I had to wrangle the ring, sans diamond of my hand. Hubby took it in to get see about getting a new diamond. But he's sneaky and I should have known better. Wednesday before we met with friends for a birthday he surprised me with a brand new ring. I told him I'd love ANYTHING from him, but to boot it's really pretty and that's just fun. He wanted to show the ring to our friends but I thought no, it was another girl's bday, it was her day. So we watched a 3 hour long movie and by the end I had to pee and yes, actually ran from my seat to the bathroom. Hubby apparently told the other ladies about his good deed, so the next thing I hear is: "Meg! You might be peeing, but you can damn well stick your hand under the bathroom door and show us your ring!" Hahahaha...

We put the Christmas tree up and put little white lights in the dining room. I'm feeling so domestic. And I like it. =)

Christmas is so soon. I'm ready with the presents and stuff. I'm ready with all the exterior stuff. And in no way ready emotionally to really deal with Christmas for what it is. For what it is is the gift of salvation, but I cannot move past the loss of my mom. So I dread Christmas when it should be joyful. I know and believe she is watching down, but it pains me when I'd just like to snuggle up and lean my head on her shoulder, and have her tell me everything will be ok.

Starting tomorrow Big Bebe will have another 3 days of testing and appointments at Lucile Packard. I think I am so anxious about it all that my coping mechanism is to just not think about it. Stay busy with other things, appear happy, remember not to grind my teeth, be thankful, and most important, don't think. Don't think. Don't think. Don't think. And don't take things personally.
One final thing: Bitty Bebe said "Hi Honey," to me as I was putting her to bed tonight. Melt my heart.


Shoegal18 said...

It will be okay, Ragu. Hang in there. Miss you mucho! "Hi Honey!"

trinity said...

Love ya! Your new home looks nice and Christmasy! I will be praying for you through out Christmas, testings, and all that you miss!

You should post a pic of that new ring