Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Half Way Through

Wow. I'm not sure how to express in words what I have felt today. Possibly every emotion. A few of the lighter things I discovered today are:

1. I'm completely convinced that painting a primer coat on a building has NOTHING to do with priming...and everything to do with getting a practice round in first before the real deal

2. Don't sit on flimsy upside down plastic buckets--not only will they break but you'll feel like an idiot

3. The local church fed us lunch today and it was DE.LI.CIOUS

4. If the Boss Man tells you he's "Proud as punch" with the work you just did, that totally one-ups the "Atta- boy"s. Feels good.

There are some things on the home front that have me a little distracted. I feel torn. Ok but torn. Story of my life really. I don't know why I'd expect that it would ever be any different. Kinda glad I'm here and don't really have to face those demons right now.

And, oh by the way, today is my birthday. B and I and 2 other ladies took a quick detour for a birthday coffee at Starbucks today. What a treat! Dad called on my cell and was so impressed that if he called my cell from California to Mississippi that he could actually reach me. Will wonders never cease? The work I did today was very much surface work. Painting mostly. And that's how I intended the rest of my day to be too. Today may just be any other day to everyone else, but today is a day that Mama used to really make special. And I miss it. A lot. So I did surface work both physically and emotionally, keeping anything of anxiety or sadness or stress at bay. No such luck.

Let me back up just a tad bit. Summer of 95 Mama and I are in the south of France. We were there for one day only and then were to start a journey north towards Paris. We went to the beach: the Mediterranean Sea. I like the beach...like to look at cause it's pretty, but the sand kinda ruins it for me. Mom's looking at me with this excitement in her face and says, "Aw come on Meg, you've gotta stick your toes in the water!" And so I did. And it was great. And now I can say that I've had my toes in Mediterranean Sea. Cool. After working today, our whole team took an hour or so to drive to the beach. Mind you it's my birthday, I don't like sand, I'm missing Mama, trying not to be a pill, and I have no intention of taking my dirty work boots off and tromping thru the sand. But it was beautiful at the beach and I was content standing on the side of the road surface, safe from the sand. Then B looks up at me from the water's edge and says, "Aw come on Meg, you've gotta stick your toes in the water!" It hit me like a ton of bricks...

Hi Mama. Are you here too right now? Are you part of this feeling? This beauty? This moment?

I'm now completely lost in my own emotional drama, trying to take off stupid boots and sweaty socks and not sob as I'm walking out to the water. It was so beautiful. Here's one of the pictures I took right then. I sent it to hubby and a few friends. Kelly sends me a text back right away that says: "Aw, I see God there too." Spot on Kelly, spot on.

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