Tuesday, February 24, 2009

No Title All-Inclusive Enough For This Post

How did I get here? No. Really. This life... um, married, working mother of 3 but really I should get credit for 2 extras: my hubby and dad. I go to church, I drive on field trips, schlep kids, hubby, dad to and from doctor's appts, pay the bills, get the mail, try to keep in touch with extended family, and only rarely get to talk to my long distance friends except when Bitty accidentally dials their number on auto dial which i have yet to figure out on my own. I am in constant motion, commotion. My world could be falling apart and yet the chaos and fun and energy are always at full throttle. Never a dull moment. Let me give y'all a little excerpt from the past few days:
.
*Little Bitty is learning to climb EV.ER.Y.THING. She pulls up the chair, scoots it to the bookcase, climbs on up and sits ON the computer keyboard. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Up. Down. UpDown. UpDown Updown updownupdownupdown. Because every time it will beep and she likes the beeps. BEEP BEEP BEEP.
.
*It was necessary to have "the talk" with Big Bebe. Oh Lordy Lordy give me strength. Awkward I tell you-- awkward. But necessary, right? Like from the beginning but not too many details. Cause God forbid the "female curse" strikes at summer camp when the Mama hasn't explained A THING...sorry... I'm still scarred. OK, moving on, blah blah blah, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage... usually. Well, I mean it should, but we're not talking about THAT, yet. THEN the wheels are turning in her little head and you can SEE the confusion. Yep yep she's putting it ALL together. She was the baby BEFORE the marriage, in the baby carriage. Then comes the questions. Please let me die now.
.
*Hubby calls while I am busy at work. (We had a flood, doctors having issues, people trying to tell me something about a VIRUS and me very clearly hearing them saying FIRE RISK and being totally lost on the problem.) Right. So Hubby calls VERY concerned that he can't find his razor. Do I look like I care? It's like walking someone through CPR. Do this, do that, do this, repeat. I can say it over and over again, and the story isn't going to change. I haven't seen your stupid razor. Did you check both bathrooms? And under the sink? And in the drawers? Nope it wouldn't be anywhere else. Check again. No I STILL haven't seen your REALLY STUPID razors even though now you have names and quantities for them, 3 missing Gillette's, 2 missing Mach-3 (which confused his counting to throw another number in there,) 1 electric. No, mine are pink. Would you like to use one? No. Yes I will look WITH you when I get home. Oh Puuullllease!
.
*Middle bebe is a creature totally unto its own. You think you're on the home stretch, and then NO. Not so much. I have some kids' websites saved under favorites on the computer so when they have permission they can play a game or two. I pretty much use this as a bargaining mechanism. Awesome...usually.... Until she decided to "branch out" and not click on one of the pre-loaded, kid-tested, mother-approved sites....wait for it... Ya, she typed her name into the browser and added a .COM to it and there you have it. Oh my gosh Oh my gosh. How it happened that the speakers were now somehow turned off and we didn't have the auditory component of this very um....adult site, I'll never know, but am forever grateful. I somewhat secretly already have preconceived notions of what her career choice may be when she grows up, and by my luck this just sealed the deal. No really, please kill me now.
.
*I totally tried to duck out of another really awkward situation and I failed miserably. I was caught and told, " I'm on to you." Aww really? Can't I just weasel out? Fine fine fine. I will put on my big girl panties and deal with the world in more tactful, less sissy ways. I guess.
.
*And just for fun, as I am driving frantically amongst dropping kids at school, work, appointments, meetings, post office, grocery store, I am listening to my favorite mix CD and trying to find just a little spark of inner peace to get me to the next place. So as I'm singing along and trying to meditate kind of, but actually drive safely with my eyes open at the same time:
.
...For dark is light to You
the depths are height to You
far is near, but Lord
i need to hear from You
be near, oh God, be near
.
And I would expect to be hearing this music played through my radio. But again, I am wrong. I hear talking, kind of a squeaky little voice, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It won't stop. Where is it coming from? Am I hearing voices?
.
What are we gonna do?
Ow Ow OW.
You like really need a doctor.
What are we gonna do?
Ow ow OW.
You like really need a doctor.
.
ALL DAY I hear this. ALL day I can't figure out what the heck it is, or where it's coming from. Ahhhh HA! Until I get home tonight and dug it out from waaaaayyyyy under my seat. They should NOT make toys that make noise. Because they eventually go haywire and drive mommies BATTY. This, my dear friends, was the culprit:

4 comments:

Brittany said...

Love you.

Lauren said...

I LOVE YOU!!!

allison said...

you kill me! i dont know how you do it all... the part about the website seriously had me dying of laughter, ha! im preparing myself for the joys of parenthood through your writings =)

Gary said...

tell him to shave with a knife, like a real man!