Sunday, April 20, 2008

That Was Weak

That's how my morning started out. I was really excited about today. And then as I'm gearing up to face the day and everything else this is what I hear. "That was weak." Wow. Whoa. Way to put a damper on things. I was in the midst of figuring out how to pull something off that I wasn't terribly comfortable with, but yet had a glimmer in my eye, and little pep in my step, my heart racing just a little as I was about to try something new. Okay. I hadn't figured it out completely yet, but gimme a break already.

What I wanted to do was turn around and defend myself. THEN I realized that maybe (I hoped) the comment wasn't for me. So now I shouldn't say anything. For some reason I like calling my feelings "feelers." My feelers were hurt. Because I really felt attacked in the most calm, supportive, loving atmosphere. So it was really a stretch. But nonetheless, "That was weak" took my heart and soul right out of my heart and soul. I took it really personally. I don't like feeling like that.

I have an issue with letting my guard down, and I had it down, and instantly I had to take each brick and build it right back up again.

I prayed about this a lot today. It really bothered me and I didn't want it to. It's silly. I went about my day today: saw my dad, took the kids out for lunch, visited with some friends, went to church this evening, sat with the hubby a while.... I still can't figure this out.

I decided THEN when it was said to take it for what it's worth and know that I know my place. What if it WAS weak? Then I should make it not weak. So that's what I attemped to do. I also remebered that all I do is for God. He gets to determine if I am worthy or not. He is my audience. If my aim is to reflect God's love and grace, and serve Him, then I don't need to take things so personally. But I do. I am not perfect. And in the same breath, I need to remember that other people too are not perfect.

Wow. And just like that I am humbled.

No comments: