Today is N's bday. Amazing how much time has come and gone. She was born on the 4th of July which has its own personal sentiments. But our tradition is to go to town, to the Fire Dept pancake breakfast and then enjoy the parade. If the girls are lucky they get a seat on a fire engine to start the parade. (And yes for the longest time she thought it was all in celebration of her bday.)
It's hard to go back to the fire dept. That was a lifetime ago that James gave 11 or 12 years to them. My heart is heavy when I walk thru the engine bay, smell the smells of the turnout gear. It was home for so long. Now the station is filled with newbie firemen in fire gear who don't know who I am, or the girls. I never existed.
Tonight we BBQ'd and lit the fire pit. We sat back in our little red chairs watching the sun go down. Smoking our s'mores. My heart is happy and blessed. My soul, tho, is forever unsettled, always looking just past the horizon. My mind is always adrift, sailing with the wind, positive that the answers I seek are just beyond the next turn.