Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Day #28

I'm in a state of total, complete disbelief. Miss Maddy was found last night, dead and dumped in a dumpster. 26 hours after reported missing. They think she was dead before the mom even reported it. My heart is broken wide open. Just take all of my feels and hang em out and drag them on the ground. I am riddled with pain.

I cannot even begin to understand. WHO hurts a child!?!?!?!?

I sit here with Emi next to me on the couch, and I am speechless. My heart alternating between such great pain and being numb. What would I ever do, God forbid this happen to me or someone close to me. I could.not.go.on.

I look at Emi and her perfect little goofy tooth grin, and her little bitty shoulders. My heart is hurting over the loss and manner of death of Maddy. We are called to protect. It is my honor and complete and total privilege to have these kids. Precious babies. I do not understand.

These are crank the radio, roll the windows down, drive to the green rolling hills for miles and sing LOUDLY. Deep and from the soul. Let it out. Don't give me any of that happy, chipper crap. I need mournful, thoughtful, REAL music to move me.

I have a LOT of questions for God right now. I am mad and angry and feel abandoned. Our (town's) children needed a God that night, a savior to step in. How was she held in His palm, cherished, and loved unconditionally, yet this happened. Ball's in your court, G-man. I'm out.

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