Wednesday, April 6, 2011

ONE: Part IV

There is more to share, but this is a good first effort for me. In summary, these are the things that no one should ever have to face. But I did. And I lived through it. I AM living through it. I survived:

  • the prying eyes, words, questions of others

  • the first 5 minutes

  • telling his father that James had died

  • picking out my husband's casket, plot, and funeral outfit

  • having his Marine lieutenant show up at my front door

  • writing his obituary

  • 21 gun salute

  • moment of silence, followed by tones at the fire depart in his honor

  • flags at HALF staff for MY husband

  • designing his head stone

  • waiting for MONTHS for the autopsy results

  • first set of: anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and the one year marker

  • finding alternate activities for my big girls the night of the father daughter dance

  • Emi's questions about if daddy has been in heaven long enough and is ready to come home

  • weeding through his clothes, boots, books, possessions

  • figuring out how to start and work a damned lawn mower without him

  • trying to find closure...this one is still a work in progress.

I have a lot of good memories of his life, and our life together. I'm working on another blog post of some of my favorite memories. But that's still a few weeks out.



KER said...

you will continue to survive...all that you listed were/are hard to do/deal with and you have safe/be well

Shoegal18 said...

I can't imagine how hard those eyes, words and questions must be. I will be silent with you, whenever you want - okay? My heart is with you today, and everyday, Ragu.

Keidi said...

Thank you.