This has been a difficult week. I can't get into it. As B said once: some things are just unbloggable.... =(
I am positive that I can learn something from this week. I am not positive that I can be positive about the learning part though. It hurts. My little eyes get teary and I just don't like it.
Well, I figure if I'm crying anyhow, I'll just let it all out. I won't cry for poor me, but I haven't got the strength to cry for other poor people either. The baby is in her crib. The other girls are tucked in for the night. Hubby is asleep. I tip-toe so I don't wake anyone, and I find my memory box. It needs a better name, but I haven't come up with that yet.
Inside this box are remnants of memories...good memories. Some are emails printed out, of this and that, but most are hand written notes from some of my favorite people. Cards from dear friends that are simple and short but remind me I'm loved: a Valentine's card from my dad, a birthday card from my mom. An Easter card from my dad to my mom in 89. A picture of my mom on her wedding day. A baby announcement for each of my girls. A letter from a deceased friend's mom. A note from my best friend the night before her wedding. I love her. Birthday cards from someone who is SOOO on the same wave length that I'm on. A picture of me and a long lost friend when were 6 in matching outfits. My hubby's dog tags from the Marine Corps. My first bottle of perfume. Chevrons from hubby's uniform. A picture of the beach in Mississippi. A prayer card from hubby's grandpa's funeral. A picture of me and my granddaddy when I was 3. Love notes from my little girls when they were learning how to write. A packet of flower seeds that mom had been saving. A place card from the first friend's wedding that had my name with my new married last name. A Christmas card between my mom and grandma. They would write just a few notes and send it to the other, then the next year that one would do the same and send it back, so there are years and years of little tidbits in this card. Priceless. This one is my favorite.
Things are rough, but I tend to succeed when the going gets tough; It's when I thrive. It's when I crumble too, so I've got to keep my head above water. If I can take these memories and remember who I am and what I'm here for, then hopefully I can ride this next wave out. I have no doubt that God can and will see me through this. I will put my faith in Him.
“Your task is not to seek for love,but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi