Friday, July 23, 2010

Dinner Date

Having a particularly hard week this week. I've seen better days. I feel like I just can't quite catch up... with life... with hope... Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how to get there. And when I think I've figured it out, I'm already late.

I am hoping that if I keep going through the motions of what I think life should be like.... pieces will eventually start to fall into place and feel like... home.

I tread lightly. I try not to complain, except in this forum. I am thankful. I am tired. I am easily caught off guard. I am mostly numb. I keep repeating :I won't give up if you don't give up. My sense of direction has been completely voided.

Tonight my little Emi and I had a late dinner on the deck by candle light.
We sat back and watched the moon come up. We watched the planes fly above. Some of them we waived to. Then Emi says "Mama! There's Daddy! He's twinkling!" She waives to him too, with a little more gusto. When we're done she starts to clear her place, but stops to look up at James... "Bye Daddy! I see you tomorrow." And then she says to me "Daddy's proud of you, Mama, ok?"
And so I keep on keepin' on.


trinity said...

Tears are welling up in my eyes and my heart for you and for the girls. Thanks for sharing your life, your struggles and your precious moments. You are in my prayers! I will pray that you find your rhythm and direction soon! I am proud of you too!

Lauren said...

crying over here. listen to your little angels.

Mary Thomas said...

Its a good thing you have a liason to the stars <3 Sounds like the reception is coming in super clear there...