I am hoping that if I keep going through the motions of what I think life should be like.... pieces will eventually start to fall into place and feel like... home.
I tread lightly. I try not to complain, except in this forum. I am thankful. I am tired. I am easily caught off guard. I am mostly numb. I keep repeating :I won't give up if you don't give up. My sense of direction has been completely voided.
Tonight my little Emi and I had a late dinner on the deck by candle light.
We sat back and watched the moon come up. We watched the planes fly above. Some of them we waived to. Then Emi says "Mama! There's Daddy! He's twinkling!" She waives to him too, with a little more gusto. When we're done she starts to clear her place, but stops to look up at James... "Bye Daddy! I see you tomorrow." And then she says to me "Daddy's proud of you, Mama, ok?"
And so I keep on keepin' on.