Day #12

Overwhelmed. This is today's theme.

Pain is taking over my body. This and that and it won't stop. I can barely think and feelers are alllll out of whack.

Then I start to hear about the shooting in Boulder Creek. Ughhhh... my heart. News starts flooding in about how the night had unfolded, a 17 year old boy, mental health issues, a grampa, gun shots, helicopters, and for the finale: death. I cannot even look at my FB acct. Everyone's arguing: stupid kid, poor kid, bad cops, bless the cops, kid deserved it, why wasn't someone helping him? Ohhhhh people, my brain, will explode if I try to entertain any of these ideas. WHY do people think they can argue and demand respect for a point of view. .. on FACEBOOK.. and think they can really sway someone equally as volitile of the opposing view??? WHY. I cannot comprehend. Shut. Up. Actually, let me see myself out and close the computer.

My heart is hurting for everyone involved. EVERYONE. Absolutely tragic. I will pray.

As I ease out of my desk chair at work, slowly, carefully, in the least stooping, no bending, non twisting, maneuver... I can barely stand. Or walk. At *THIS* moment my staff and I hear gunshots, outside, not too close, 3 in succession. Def not fireworks. Oh. My. Goodness. But then nothing. About 3 mins later we hear sirens, so many, 30? Continuously for the next HOUR. What is happening? Finally we hear word that there was a shooting into a house behind one of our buildings, shooter on the run. Really!?!?!?

Oh my little life is small and mostly insignificant. Yet I am consumed today with all sorts of feelings that are MUCH bigger than I am. The pain, the worry, the BIG crazy things happening in my little town are beyond my control and comprehension. I feel completely unprepared for days like this.

So glad the shootings don't impact me directly. Just wish I could disengage from the feelings they bring up in me. Some days should only be allowed with a fast forward and mute button.