Things I Don't Understand

I can't even blog today...nothing constructive, no format, no common theme. I'm just sad and mad and I'm just going to let it flow. I'm angry and I want to complain about it and I want people to leave me alone, except for B cause she always has the BEST hugs.

So this is a story about my BFF. And if you know her, you know her and you know this story. And if you don't, then you don't and she gets to keep her anonymity. Really I want to post a picture of her so you all can see her radiant beauty, and the amazing soul that shines through her eyes. But I won't. I'll just tell you about her.

We've been BFFs since 7th grade. We'd go to the Strawberry Festival and also to Donner with her parents. We'd go to summer camp together at Pondy. We played soccer together: varsity, comp, and indoor. Um we dressed up for Halloween together, memorable years were the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, and then another when we climbed into boxes and wrapped them with Christmas paper and our little legs sticking out. We were special. SPECIAL.

You know there are some (a few)people you can trust no matter what. No matter how awkward, how hard, how hurtful, how sad. Sometimes you don't even need to speak, you just trust them to be right there with you for that moment so you're not in alone.

She came to see mama when mama was ICU and completely psychotic and mama was ramblings words with no meaning, and screaming at bugs that weren't there. She came to me there and just was. Present. She came to the house when mama was dying. It didn't faze her that Mama was dying from the outside in and her skin was falling off. She held her hand and spoke sweetly to her. No words for me, which is just was I needed. No words, just this friend to be present with me, in that place. She came and rescued me, came right along side me after the birth of Bitty and hubby being sick and back in the hospital. She came to be with me and has the most beautifully calming way of being attentive, loving, and encouraging. I am blessed to have a friend like this, who can step in without skipping a beat and be an extra set of hands and feet.

Her dad got sick with cancer soon after high school. Oh and what a warrior he was. For years and years and years. So tell me... why does life play out this way? For 16 years she has been the best friend ever. For 10 years her dad fought cancer fiercely. Why WHY WHY would it happen that her daddy would start to slip markedly, and the same day she thinks she's going into labor (in another city), then her Dad is in ICU, and she's on the verge of giving birth hours away. She did get to say goodbye to her daddy in person, but he passed and lost his battle with cancer 48 hours before the baby was born. Her first child missed the chance of meeting his grandpa by 48 hours. 48 HOURS!!!

Her dad died this past Saturday the 6th. Sweet baby Biggio was born this morning the 8th.

A friend told me once that sometimes it isn't the lesson that you need to learn (through hard times), but it's the lesson that needs to be taught through you. On some level this seems that this SHOULD make sense, but when I'm hurting and those around me are hurting, I have a really hard time believing this with my heart and not just my lips.

I love you my BFF, more than you'll ever know and more that I'll ever be able to express.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up - Galatians 6:9 (NIV)