Changes

Lots and Lots of changes....

First, James' beloved (I'm a big man, marine, roooar truck) took a dump. So... with lots of thought and thought and more thought a bit of tears... I came to the realization that its time was done. Oh it was a wonderful truck, with lots of fond memories. And it was a visual reminder of James. But, when  the heater went out, and then money went out. And then the transmission went out, and more money... and something else, and more money. I just couldn't do it any longer. On a brave day, with my big girl panties on, I decided that was they day. I took the truck....

AND my car. My saving 'I'll never own any car other than a benz', car... took them both, and traded them in...

 

For the below beauty. We call it a Tahoe. We call it a new age mommy van. We call it a, lets not pay for two vehicles any more, black beauty. With OnStar. Which is *GREAT* considering the rocky past I've had with cars and accidents and what nots.

 

We also got a dog. NEVER.EVER.THOUGHT. I'd hear those words come out of my mouth, or be put on my blog. But there it is. Fiddle is a love pie of a boxer, just over a year old. He is a sweet one, and super fun and playful, and so far only eats remotes and phones, but no shoes, and is perfect with the girls.

So... Fiddle (Plus Nick's dog, Hans.... who is hiding in the dog house) play well together, and with the girls. And play well, together, with the girls IN the dog house too. :) Fun.

Jackson has been away this year at college in Montana. And we miss him. He has been a BIG part of our lives. (I mean...really... I started dating James when Jackson was 5.) The girls miss him a lot. And Emi took the opportunity of having him home on Christmas,to snuggle with him, never mind the nap he was trying to take :)

These two little yay-hoo's continue to be cute and lovely. We are blessed.

Ok ok... and they are a little goofy too. Actually... honestly... mostly goofy. This really IS the norm. 

But the BIG news this year started really brewing around my birthday, as shown below. I wish we had a group shot. All of my favorite close by fam came, my dad, Grampy Jack, Grammy Syb, Stacie, Mike, Alicia, Jackson, Nick and the girls, Brittany, Kerri and Norm, my cousin Eric. It was super special. And my BFF happened to be there too, down from Petaluma, visiting her mom.

Right... so things were a brewing.

Nick had a little chat with my dad one night....

And then there was this :)
(With dad's blessing of course.)
I can't even begin to describe this all. Just super happy. A calm in my heart.

Soooooo... if this means... that I *potentially* get to be a princess for a day, or something.... I'm going to start dreaming now. And today's dream looks like this:

                                                                               ♥

Not

It is Christmas time.
I am blessed.
I am fortunate.
I am. I am. I am.

I am just not immune to holiday depression.
I am still not whole.

It seems all the holidays do is magnify the loss.

Time doesn't always provide wisdom; most times it reveals the weary.

go BIG or go home...

Welp, we went BIG, and didn't get home. So there you go.

The beginning of last week was spent much like a sprint to the finish line, preparing the hospital for a big, GIGANTIC computer system switch, and upgrade... more than a year in the making. Go live was slated for Thursday the 1st. So.... Wednesday night in particular was the final heave-ho of a 14 hour long work day...

But apparently there was a storm a-brewing out there. I wouldn't know, because I was in my non-windowed office. 60+mph winds, wear tearing our little towns apart. So.. when I attempted to leave sometime after 1030pm, I unfortunately found that I could not get home. Not even close. Damn Damn. Damn. Go live was scheduled for 4am the next morning... awesome.

Next day, I made good on something I had thought long and hard about. So on my lunch break on Thursday the 1st... during the stress of go-live... I escaped away and picked up a dog from the SPCA. We named him Fiddle. I always thought I wasn't a dog person. I was wrong. I am now totally in love with a one year old boxer.

Thursday night made it home, but no power. Not the end of the world. I can deal. Usually. I mean...not like corporate hospital folks would be at the hospital the next day, and that I didn't have a way to wash and or dry any clothes, let alone iron them if they had been clean.... oh yes and in this dark house, I now have a new dog. Sweet.

The power didn't come back on til Sunday.

In summary: in the span of 24 hours I worked long and hard at work, then couldn't get home, then got a dog, and brought him home to a house without electricity for 5 days.

That's right. Just how I roll ;)

Picture Only Updates

Little Bits

Dad is home, after 3 months... he is home, and healthy. So glad.

All the girls had lice. After 16 loads of laundry, the dryer died. And the girls still had lice.

Feel very much like work owns my soul. Bringing two hospitals up onto an electronic health record, is awesome in the long run, and awful in the interim.

Nick is God-send. I am so blessed.

Emi got her hair cut during the lice fiasco. And then she cut it on her own after that.

The back yard is beautiful after the first rains of the seasons. Can't wait to post pics as we've transformed it.

The oven is not working again. Tomorrow, the new washer and dryer come...AND the Sears man comes to try and fix the oven again. If it doesn't work, I get a new one. If I need a new one, it won't come until AFTER Thanksgiving, which means... free pass to NOT host thanksgiving again :)

Finally ordered mom's headstone. Should be set in the next few weeks.

That's all for now.

Don't Judge the Book by Its Cover

I REALLY try not to whine (too much) on this blog. But I just can't keep the whining to myself; it must spill somewhere... Today it's going to be here.

Last week the following broke: my dish washer, my garbage disposal, my toilet, my lawn mower, my truck, and my computer. Lorianne has been sick and in and out of the hospital. She also lost her cell phone. All my fishies but one has died this week. My gym closed its doors this week. Last week was the 5 year anniversary of mom's death. We are taking my hospital up on a brand new all inclusive computer program, and the time and energy, and training, and learning, and implementing of that... owns my soul right now.

On Saturday Nick and I decided to take the girls up the coast. We wanted to go get pumpkins, and there are some great pumpkin farms out there. We decided to drive PAST all of the pumpkin farm between Santa Cruz and Half Moon Bay, so we could really scout them all out, and pick the VERY BEST one to go to on our way back. We found the one, decided to continue on to Half Moon Bay for lunch, and then return to the chosen pumpkin farm. Sounds bueno. Still does, actually.

Lunch was lovely, and we were having a grand ol time. We pulled up to the VERY BEST pumpkin farm, which also had a corn maze, and we drove our truck to the VERY top of the VERY tall hill where there was a little bit of parking left. We opened the doors, ready to fling ourselves into the fall season and colors.... and... and... Natalie screams bloody Fn murder, and I look down, she is not even OUT of the truck yet, and a bee has landed and stung her. Oh no. No really. OH NO. This would be the only one of my children who is allergic to bees. Not a little swelling that will go down with benadryl and ice, noooooooo... this is my child who goes into anaphalactic shock. FML.

I'm trying to calm her down, and at the same time, tell Nick that her epi-pen is in the center console. Get it. NOW. He gets it, opens it, hands it to me. But I'm shaking too much. I can't do it. I hand it back to him and give him THAT look. Then Lulu, calm as ever, tells him step by step to take the lid off, twist that one thing, then jam it into Nat's thigh while pressing the trigger, and then hold it there for at least 10 seconds. And he does. Nat screams louder. <--to be expected, I guess.

Less than a minute has passed. We load back up into the truck, and barrel down the hill. We stop briefly two talk to TWO separate security guys/parking attendants who don't live in the area, and don't know where the closest hospital is. Nick says, "Santa Cruz or North?" It'd take at least an hour to get back to Santa Cruz. So we turn North.

I grab my cell and call 911, figuring... *hoping* they can tell me where to go. They want a cross street. I don't have one. Well where are we? Heading north. That's all I know. Yes she is breathing. Yes her arm is swelling, yes her throat is starting to feel tight. 911 tells me to pull over. PULL OVER. They are coming. They will come to us. They will find us. Until.... a CHP (sheriff? idk...) comes up behind us and says we can't be there. Nick fills him in quickly, and then, like following the wind, we are now being escorted by the police to the closest CDF station, which has an ambulance. 2 miles later, we swing in, Nick swings out with Nat in arms, Mr police man at his side, and is met instantly by the (best looking :) ) firemen, who begin assessing. They give her another shot of epi (and maybe something else?), start an IV line, load her up in the ambulance and schlep her 'more' north.

In case you've ever wondered... there's NO big hospital in Half Moon Bay. There is a 2 room ER. That's it. They assess, stabilize, and transfer. Oy. FML x2. Luckily for us, another transfer wasn't warranted. (So I'll take one FML back.) They gave her some good meds, some to calm her and some to treat. Both were needed. All she could remember was the last time, when her little face swelled up so much, she couldn't even open her little eyes.... yep.. something like this:

This time doesn't seem as  bad. Maybe last time was a yellow jacket, and this time was a bee? Maybe she's gaining more of a defense to it? I just don't know.

Several hours later she is released from the hospital... tired, aching, exhausted. She asks, "I guess we don't get pumpkins after all?" Awwwww baby! We find a little stand on the side of the road, just outside Santa Cruz city limits. We jump out, grab the closest 5 pumpkins, and are back on our way home.

What a day.

Glad I got the picture below. It does nothing to sum up the day that led up to that point. But... I am grateful, and tired, and looking for a break.

FOUR!

Happy 4th Birthday to the Littlest Bitty :)

I'm Still Here... Promise

Hi Y'all

I'm still here. Still alive and kicking, just working my tush off.

School has started for the girls, and having 3 kids in 3 different schools...is...um.... special.

Haven't been blogging much, but you should know I HAVE written an 85 page training manual for work. As far as manuals go, it kicks arse.

A few heavy things still weighing on my heart and mind. Work, dad, health, church, girls, life. All will be ok. I just need to get through the next few weeks.

The boy and I are still fine. I am blessed.

Here a few pics for the time being.

Picture Updates

JASON ALDEAN CONCERT



Nick and The Girlies :)

Girls' Camping Trip with Gram and Gramps





Maui Vacay Pics





Stacie and Mike's Wedding Pictures 

The little lovies getting ready for Stacie's BIG day

Why I'm reminded that, no matter how hard I try not to, I really AM becoming an adult. Argh.