Day #33

Some days I need an attitude adjustment. I'd like to think that this is not the norm. Today is one of those days.

I have nothing to complain about. I have my new hubby, healthy kids, a home, a job, running water, enough money to buy a weeks worth of groceries today, my new church, good friends and good fam. I am blessed. Oh, Choco Vodka too. Add that to the blessed list.

Why would someone be picky, argumentative, extra sensitive, moody when life in big picture is full? I'm sure there's some decent reasons, but none that I can justify... PMS-ing, woke up on the wrong side if the bed, you're chewing too loud, I didn't get enough sleep, I have a headache.

I am guilty of being far too sensitive today. I snapped when I shouldn't. I griped about trivial things; I too can make cutting remarks, nothing that I am proud off.

It was a good day today and I let it be ruined. What a crock of crap I can be.. ugh!!!
Why? I wish I could wear my insecurities somewhere other than my relationships and let those harsh words escape my lips. I am human and I feel, but I wish I didn't lash out.

My hair is SO frizzy, I've been so good about NOT eating crap and haven't dropped a pound, my jeans done fit, I am sick, is this too much house and responsibility, how did I get here, biggest zits ever -shouldn't this have stopped in my teens, will hubby get his promotion, there's always that one person who can't keep their word, never keeps plans, why am I not good enough for them? (if you're reading this-- it's not you! ♡). I slept til 11 today and it was amazing, but I prob should have gone running. This will eat at me all day. Do I have to get up and speak at work tokorrow? Most days I think life is ambushing me.

For some, there is an underlying reason for the insecurities. That is they key. How does one get there?