On The Ground!

I think it's 120 in the morning here right now. I am not a pretty sight. It's ok. I can be cute later. =)

Here's what I know so far:

* Can't read when I'm tired: books, street signs, anything else, it's all a complete loss to these bad eyes and tired brain. I'll explain later... it's funny

*When Gail comes to pick you up at the airport in New Orleans you should not be looking for her by looking for her car (...cause that's back in Cali... doh!)

*Overheard a junior high age type kiddo be in a very in depth conversation about DNA of a rock

*Don't lean forward when the plane is landing, then the pilot will let off the brake and your head will hit the seat in front of you

*Have to tell Dad that when I'm singing at church that is NOT the time to try and communicate a non-urgent matter via completely random charade like gestures and large mouth movements... killing me I tell ya

*Similarly, the man sitting in the front pew making the stuffed animal dance while I'm singing it distracting. I can not sing while I laugh... no can do people!!!

*I don't get people who get dressed up to travel. I can't... seriously. High heels and short shorts? I just don't understand

*Also now have this weird phobia of wearing flip flops to the airport... after the whole lawn mower/vacuum cleaner incident. Odd. I didn't even wear flip flops today, but I noticed everyone else who did... scared me! Made my toes hurt just looking at them.

Ok I'm getting up soon... 4 hours, 5 hours.... not sure I want to know actually. Nighty night!!!

Mississippi Bound

Aaaaaannnnnnddddd we're off! To bed actually. Then up at the crack o' dawn with 3 kids in Easter clothes in tow, Hubby and Dad, and all to church, then we divide and conquer. Hubby will take Big Bebe and Bitty to Chief's Easter, Dad will take Middle Bebe to the Cann-Cann-Clan Easter up in the city. And me? To Mississippi I go, via Texas first. I've never been to Texas before. Don't think I'll get much sight seeing in while I'm there running from one terminal to another, maybe stopping for pee-pee pit stop.

To be honest, I was packed a couple days ago...told B if she wanted to skip out of town early... I'd be ready. Ha. The last few days haven't been so bad really. Had a fun coffee night, sang at another church, Hubby and I went to breakfast and took a long walk along West Cliff this morning. Grandma took the bebes to see the Hannah Montana movie. Bless her.

I do feel like an old lady though. This evening I decided not to take my seemingly bazillion bottles of meds with me. I gave in and got an old lady weekly pill organizer. I am such a geek. An old lady geek now too. Whoop whoop. See, this white one will make me swing the hammer harder, these two green ones will make me lay tile faster, this little pink one provides an extra set of go-go-gadget arms to hold the boards straight while I saw the ends off at 45 degree angles. Ok. Totally joking. But that's the story I'm sticking to. =)

Here's what I do know: No matter what I imagine, no matter what I hope or dread, life will always turn out differently than I expected. Sometimes worse, but sometimes better. I am excited to NOT know what lies ahead on this trip. I can be flexible. I can be resourceful. I can multi-task, get my hands dirty, and take direction. I can and will be filled with love and hope be the listening ear. I am small all by myself. But the group I am going with has been called by God, and with that strength we are mighty, and capable and honored to do His work, whatever it may be.

My Numbers

1 - Babies who escaped in the wee hours of the morning out to the frosted over deck

2 - Freezing little feet

16 - Socks found behind the dryer

42 - Pairs of socks matched today... YAY!

66 - Unmatched socks after the laundry was done... very disappointing.. =(

5 - Days until I leave for Mississippi

16 - Annual staff evaluations I need to write before I leave for Mississippi

3 - Kids who are sleeping over at Grandma's tonight

0 - Healthy dinners I will be making tonight

Countless - views off my deck that remind me that I live in one of THE most beautiful places in the world:

Milk, Mowers, and Mamas

With the start of this week I needed a jump start. I went to a coffee shop with a co-worker, and this my dear friends, was the best move I could have ever made. For as I made my way through the line inside, the barista was making her way towards me to fill up the cream. She trips or something and theeeeerrrreeee goooooeeessss the cream alllllllll ovvvver my work slacks. Oh her face was priceless, eyes were wide, face turning red, cringing a little all in slow motion. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry miss. Here let me get you a towel." She comes over and starts dabbing the lower part of my pant leg. "It's really no big deal. No problem. See usually when I leave the house in the morning I've had at least one kid barf, pee, or wipe boogers and snot on me and this was just milk, right out of fridge, homogenized and everything-- WAY more safe than any bodily fluids that my kids produce. So really this is a step up for me." I smile. Really. I ended up getting a free coffee. Do you think it would be overtly obvious if I fling myself in front of her the next time I'm there and see if I can get another one? Ha.

I am a home owner now. This brings an entirely new set never-crossed-my-mind-before things that I now need to cross my mind. I noticed the grass in the front yard was getting REALLY long. Interesting. I mean we've been here since September. What did I think would happen? It would cut itself? On a little side note, I do try to make the effort to be a good neighbor. We took that leaning tree down, we don't throw raging parties, or have little yappy dogs. However, there was that one time right after we moved in when hubby wanted to "scare" the raccoon and ended up shooting it square between the eyes and killing it on the front lawn. Nothing says HOWDY NEIGHBOR like a nice dead coon. Or when Bitty escapes (naked) out the slider and through our back yard, the next neighbor's yard and then one more yard over before I can catch her. Back to the story... I got a lawn mower!!!! A Husquavarna. Hubby said it's good cause that's who his chain saw was made by. Whatever. As long as it cuts the grass I'm not picky. 1st: totally a work out just to get that sucker started. I must have made a spectacle out there trying to get it right. I think it's not so much about the power of the pull to start the engine, but the approach. 2nd: the yard looks so pretty!!! 3rd: when I was putting the mower away in the garage I realized that it was very dumb to mow the lawn in my flip flops. Fast forward one hour and I ran my foot over with the vacuum. Warning heeded.

I drive my kids to school every day and every day we are rushing to get teeth brushed, clothes on, breakfast in the mouth, backpacks in the car, homework signed, hair braided, and if they get matching socks on-- that's a luxury. When we get to the school more often than not, the bell is ringing so I am practically pushing the kids out the door of the car and telling them to run so they don't get a tardy. Bad mom. Every day I pass another mom who walks her kids to school. She walks slow and with a cane. She doesn't just stand on her side of the road and holler at the them to dash through traffic and run up the hill so they don't get a tardy. She walks them every day ACROSS the street and then waits and watches them walk up the hill to the school. The kids get to the top and turn around and wave, and then she waves and knows they are safe. I don't even know how to sum up my feelings. I guess it's that she makes the effort. It's more than getting the kids to school. She's loving her kids in the process. I think she's my hero.

Love Is....

The sweet Bitty bebe with a smile on her face, on a warm spring day, in our ragged but loved yard, in a special little dress...

Sunny Saturday

We got up early and worked hard in the yard clearing trees, chopping wood, stacking wood, making a burn pile, raking, and sweating. We took a late afternoon nap, and then we got up and left and got some take out dinner and ate at the park just before sunset...

Buh Bye...

Wisdom

"...There is a place in everyone that can carry the light. God has made us
this way. When God says 'LET THERE BE LIGHT,' He is speaking to us personally.
He is telling us what is possible, how we might choose to live. But one candle
does not do much in the darkness. God has not only given us the chance to carry the
light, He has made it possible for us to kindle and strengthen the light in one
another, passing the light along. This is the way that God's light will shine
forever in the world..."

Blessings

Oh my goodness, so much is going on. Where to begin? Ok, first off, all is ok... here's the rest:

• Big Bebe has had some appointments and procedures at LPCH the last few days
• She's a trooper
• Follow up in another 4 weeks for the next step, more to come...
• She turns 10 this Monday so we took this opportunity to have fun too in the midst of scary stuff
• We got a hotel room and are being princesses in big fluffy beds with so many pillows, too much tv, late night chocolate snacks and breakfast room service
• Oh and tomorrow we are getting pedicures
• BTW, today is my dad's bday. Before we left for this trip I left him a bday card with a print out of my blog: Hit Man. =) Love him, and I told him, in my own little quirky way.
• We've driven around and "shopped" for houses in this ridiculously affluent town...amazing!
• Became very fond of the door man, who refers to us as "sisters" 'cause we're so young and cute, eh? Ha. They must pay him well.
• Yesterday marked yet ANOTHER unexpected death in my little world. (Someone from work.) Why??? So many questions...
• Reading a new book: My Grandfather's Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge and Belonging by Rachel Naomi Remen MD. Some poeple know me so well, and know just what I need...

  When Grandpa finished talking to God, he would turn to me and say, "Come,
  Neshume-le." (Which means beloved little soul.) Then I would stand in front of
  him and he would rest his hands lightly on the top of my head. He would begin by thanking God for me and for making him my grandpa. He would specifically mention my struggles during that week and tell God something about me that was true. Each week I would wait to find out what that was. If I had made mistakes during the week, he would mention my honesty in telling the truth. If I had failed, he would appreciate how hard I had tried. If I had taken even a short nap without my nightlight, he would celebrate my bravery in sleeping in the dark. Then he would give me his blessing and ask the long-ago women I knew from his many stories- Sarah, Rachel, Rebekah, and Leah- to watch over me.

What a very good reminder for me, and just when I need to be reminded. Hmmmm... and with that, I am off again to being with the princess and fluffing pillows... =)

Remnants of Memories

This has been a difficult week. I can't get into it. As B said once: some things are just unbloggable.... =(

I am positive that I can learn something from this week. I am not positive that I can be positive about the learning part though. It hurts. My little eyes get teary and I just don't like it.

Well, I figure if I'm crying anyhow, I'll just let it all out. I won't cry for poor me, but I haven't got the strength to cry for other poor people either. The baby is in her crib. The other girls are tucked in for the night. Hubby is asleep. I tip-toe so I don't wake anyone, and I find my memory box. It needs a better name, but I haven't come up with that yet.

Inside this box are remnants of memories...good memories. Some are emails printed out, of this and that, but most are hand written notes from some of my favorite people. Cards from dear friends that are simple and short but remind me I'm loved: a Valentine's card from my dad, a birthday card from my mom. An Easter card from my dad to my mom in 89. A picture of my mom on her wedding day. A baby announcement for each of my girls. A letter from a deceased friend's mom. A note from my best friend the night before her wedding. I love her. Birthday cards from someone who is SOOO on the same wave length that I'm on. A picture of me and a long lost friend when were 6 in matching outfits. My hubby's dog tags from the Marine Corps. My first bottle of perfume. Chevrons from hubby's uniform. A picture of the beach in Mississippi. A prayer card from hubby's grandpa's funeral. A picture of me and my granddaddy when I was 3. Love notes from my little girls when they were learning how to write. A packet of flower seeds that mom had been saving. A place card from the first friend's wedding that had my name with my new married last name. A Christmas card between my mom and grandma. They would write just a few notes and send it to the other, then the next year that one would do the same and send it back, so there are years and years of little tidbits in this card. Priceless. This one is my favorite.

Things are rough, but I tend to succeed when the going gets tough; It's when I thrive. It's when I crumble too, so I've got to keep my head above water. If I can take these memories and remember who I am and what I'm here for, then hopefully I can ride this next wave out. I have no doubt that God can and will see me through this. I will put my faith in Him.

“Your task is not to seek for love,but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi

The Fray

My eyes are tired.
My heart is heavy.
My head is hurting.
My hair is frizzy.
My edges are rough.
My teeth are gritting.
My questions are mounting.
My thoughts are spinning.
My sanity is lost.
My dreams are vivid.
My life is fraying.